Dear Kiantha: Knowing your own self-worth can help protect against bullies

Dear Kiantha,

I work in the health care field and there is a person at my job who I feel is intentionally bullying me. I am shy by nature, and I tend to avoid confrontation at all costs. I am currently looking for another job because I feel anxiety just thinking about interacting with this person. Should I confront this person or just leave without saying anything? I am leaning more toward not saying anything.

Dear Friend,

I am sorry that you are being bullied. If it is happening to you, it is intentional, so please know that your feelings of anxiety are valid. Bullying behavior typically shows up when a person perceives themselves to have power over you. Bullying on the job is a form of workplace violence that should not be tolerated and at minimum needs to be reported to the appropriate authorities at your place of employment.

Workplace bullying is a measurable reason some people choose to commit suicide. During the pandemic, there were several stories of health care staff feeling bullied by their employers and/or the patients who were often very sick and very angry.

Even in the midst of a pandemic with the variable of an overburdened health care system, health care professionals being bullied was unacceptable. To my way of thinking those who work in the health field are heroes who at the very minimum deserve respect.

Avoiding confrontation in your situation may allow you to escape conflict in the short term. It will not, however, serve you in the long run. This is actually an opportunity for you to practice protecting yourself and demanding the respect you deserve.

Developing the skills necessary to protect yourself starts by first understanding that you can and should set boundaries around the way in which you will be treated and spoken to. No one is allowed to speak or interact with you in any way other that how you are comfortable with. It does not matter their intention or perception of power.

Second, a lack of boundaries is often a symptom of a deeper personal issue, a lack of self-esteem, and that is where I suggest you should focus your attention. We often allow others to treat us the way we see ourselves. Take some time to work through how you perceive yourself. Work toward seeing yourself as strong, confident and worthy of honor and respect. That is where the real work should begin. Then you deal with the little bully.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha