Annie’s Mailbox: Seek counseling for parenting tools

Dear Annie: I have been married for 22 years. I started working when I was 14 and didn’t stop until I started having medical issues two years ago. The problem is my family.

My husband doesn’t think it is important that our two kids, ages 20 and 21, have jobs. I have tried repeatedly to help them find employment because they won’t bother to try on their own. But they’ll stay at a job for a month or two, and then they leave. My husband doesn’t think there is a problem. When I bring it up, my son yells at me, and my husband doesn’t care. He says at least our son attends night classes twice a week. Our daughter’s self-esteem is very low, and I am worried about her. I am sick of the arguments about the kids not doing more around the house and not finding work. I have moved out of the house and in with a friend. Was I wrong to do this? How do I make my husband see that the kids should have jobs? – Expect Better

Dear Expect: Well, if you are out of the house, no one will push those kids to find work, and your husband will be supporting everyone. Perhaps he will then realize that keeping the children dependent and childlike is not in anyone’s best interest and insist that the kids contribute somehow to the household. But it won’t solve everything.

We hate to sound like a broken record, but counseling could help both of you deal more respectfully with each other and more effectively with your kids. Even if your husband won’t go, counseling could help you work out better ways of negotiating so that you have other choices besides frustration and walking out.