Wife is no longer woman I married

Dear Annie: Twelve years ago, I married my best friend, lover and the woman I believed to be my partner for life. Before we married, my wife and I were physically active: hiking, biking, skiing, rollerblading, you name it. We enjoyed movies, plays, board games and talking for hours. We also had a fantastic sex life.

Seven years ago, all of that began to change. She lost interest in outdoor activities and board games. Hours of talking have been replaced with hours in front of the TV or staring into our cellphones and computers. Our sex life became nearly nonexistent.

I love my wife, but I’m no longer in love with her the way I once was. Not long ago, we had a heart-to-heart, and I said I no longer wanted to be married to her and told her why. She responded by telling me she recognized that I had been pulling away and understood why. She said she wished things could be different, but she would move forward.

Since “the talk,” my wife has been extremely clingy and insecure, wanting to know my whereabouts and activities at all times. Where I suffered sexual frustration in silence for years, my wife is now quite vocal about having her sexual needs met.

Annie, I can’t manufacture feelings for her, sexual or otherwise, and I am still leaning toward the exit. I feel staying is dishonest, but leaving means I’m not giving our relationship a chance. What do I do? – Crossroads in California

Dear Crossroads: Your wife doesn’t want you to leave. That is why she is clingy, insecure and demanding more sex. In the past seven years, you have gradually become disillusioned with your married life, but you only told your wife about it recently.

You haven’t given her the time to work on it. Instead of looking for a justification to leave, please get into counseling with your wife. See whether you can find the “best friend” and “partner for life” you married. It’s not too late.