Carolyn Hax: Sibling’s destination wedding hard to get out of

Dear Carolyn: Loved your advice to just say no to a destination wedding. That may work with a friend, but how about a sibling? We’re getting pressure from the entire family. Not only can we not afford a trip like this, but it is to a country we do not consider safe for us or our children. Any advice?

– Also Blue

It works for a sibling, too, even though the expectations are typically higher and the disappointment more acute. Not even family can tell you how to spend your money.

One caveat. The moment you mention a second reason you can’t go, you negate the first one. So, when you dropped that bit about safety, you basically told me, OK, it’s not really about money.

That, in turn, tells your family you’re staying home by choice, but trying to pass it off as necessity.

There are just two right answers here, “no we can’t” or “yes we can.”

Dear Carolyn:

My fiance and I have been engaged since October and since then we’ve taken on many challenges: buying and renovating a house, planning a wedding and moving in together. The topic of finances and chores has been a constant argument.

My fiance makes three times more than I do and pays the mortgage and taxes. I pay food and utilities.

He believes that because I make less, all chores (excluding mowing) should be my responsibility. I’ve expressed to him that although I make three times less, I do in fact work 40 hours a week, come home and cook, clean on the weekends and am miserable because I haven’t had time to do anything for myself. Keep in mind, he golfs four to six days a week.

Is there a proper way to broach this topic?

– Stressed & Exhausted

You broach this topic with cardboard boxes and the best attorney you can afford.

And a therapist, to help you figure out why you didn’t walk away from this domestic indentured servitude the moment he proposed it.