Carolyn Hax: Long-distance romance isn’t going anywhere

Dear Carolyn: I am a single mom with an 8-year-old son. I have sole custody of my son, but by state law I cannot move more than 60 miles away from my son’s father.

I’ve been in a wonderful four-year relationship, but he lives 360 miles away. We were together for a year before he was offered a great job and moved away. We have made our relationship work for three years while holding out hope that my son’s father will allow me to move someday.

Well, I’m afraid someday is never coming. He is unwilling to quit his job or even look for a good job here. We are crazy in love with each other and want nothing more than to be married and spend the rest of our lives together.

Where should I go from here? If he really loves me, shouldn’t he be willing to quit his job and move? Do I break up with him so maybe he will realize what he lost and come running back to me? Do I stick it out and wait for a miracle? – Never-Ending Long Distance

If you really loved him and wanted to be at his side, shouldn’t you be willing to tear your son a six-hour drive away from his father? And to face the legal consequences thereof?

Yes, I’m kidding, in a not-at-all-funny kind of way.

You can chase your tail for another three years just trying to figure out whether one can both be “crazy in love” and prioritize one’s job, so I suggest sticking with the obvious and the quantifiable: You are not moving for the 10 years it takes your son to reach his 18th birthday; and the person in this relationship who can move sooner has chosen not to.

So, how long do you want to be in this long-distance relationship? Another decade, another year, not another day? That is your decision right now, in its entirety: How long do you want to do this? The rest is just tying yourself into so many optional knots.