Playing the victim card fails to generate trust

More than just a few of the complaints the BBB receives each week begin with a description not unlike this: “Hello, I am a disabled single father suffering from depression and dandruff, plus I have a three-legged dog that is a senior citizen and a mangy yellow one-eyed cat that lisps.”

OK, this is over the top, but you get my drift. The complaint letters that begin like this always puzzle me, and I wonder what the writers hope to achieve by starting the conversation in such a fashion.

Do they think they deserve a higher level of service due to the laundry list of challenges they feel they face every day? Or are they setting themselves up as a perpetual victim, so we should rush in and take up their cause with extra gusto? One thing I do know is that beginning a relationship or a transaction with the perception of being taken advantage of is not a good idea.

Years ago, when I was still at the Colorado Springs BBB, we had a couple of really bad actors in the heating and air conditioning industry. One afternoon we received a call from a woman who wanted to report that her elderly neighbor, a widow, had one of the bad guys in the process of replacing her relatively new furnace. The “old” furnace was sitting in the front yard, and this caring neighbor knew it was less than 5 years old.

We asked her to walk over and call us back, with the neighbor also on the line, so we could talk to her with the kind neighbor’s help. We then found out the widow did not have the money to pay for this furnace that she did not need, and had already handed over her wedding rings to the installer.

We explained that she was dealing with a company that had a bad record and a history of replacing items that did not require replacement, as well as high-pressure sales tactics. In our work with the district attorney in El Paso County, we knew they needed to see the units that were removed so they could prove this fraud. At that point I asked that she tell the installers to not remove the old unit and that we would have the authorities come and pick it up. She refused, and the neighbor and I were shocked at her attitude. I have to admit I got a little pushy with her; I really wanted to see these rip-off artists in jail. She pushed back with a comment I will never forget: “I am an old lady and I know I am getting ripped off, it happens all the time!” Wow.

If you enter into a business relationship as a customer, vendor or new employee, you should start with trust and expect the best outcome. We often see employees who expect to be treated poorly and overreact at every turn. This is a strange place for a good and ethical employer to find themselves, and it takes a long time to build trust. Companies often face a customer who walks in the door angry and ready for a fight when there is no reason to fight. And businesses see this attitude in vendors who think everyone is out to squeeze every last drop of blood from them in each transaction. Where did this come from? Why do people think they will be taken advantage of all the time? Are there that many bad employers and businesses out there? I don’t think so.

The problem with this “I’ll get you before you get me” or “I know you’ll take advantage of me” mentality is it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our relationships are damaged right from the start, because rather than start from zero and build trust, we start with our fists in the air. Research is so easy these days, to be sure you are engaging with the right kind of company, you should start with the attitude that everyone will win in the relationship.

Drop those fists, empower yourself with your knowledge and open your hands. And remember to “Start with Trust” before you buy, by looking up a company’s business review at www.bbb.org.