Husband’s drinking runs in the family

Dear Annie: I have a daughter from a previous marriage, and my husband and I have a son together. The problem is, my husband ignores my daughter.

He says he loves her, but it doesn’t show. He is an alcoholic who refuses to help around the house or with the kids. He also won’t brush his teeth or flush the toilet. Worse, his sister pushes him to drink at every family gathering, including the children’s birthday parties. I told her he becomes verbally abusive to my daughter when he drinks, but she still supplies him with beer at every occasion. Meanwhile, she and her husband are outside smoking pot while the kids run wild. After I tearfully confided in my mother-in-law, she told him, “You deserve to have a beer whenever you like.”

It hurts to see my daughter’s little face wanting positive attention and affection from her stepfather while he turns away from her. But, Annie, I still love him. He once stopped drinking for two months, and those were the happiest times we’ve had. He was energetic, paid attention to both kids, started brushing his teeth and even helped around the house. But it ended when his sister came over with a six-pack.

I’ve suggested counseling, but he refuses to go, and his family backs him up. I can’t go alone because I have no one to baby-sit. So tell me, how do I help my daughter cope? – Indiana

Dear Indiana: It sounds as if your husband comes from a family of substance abusers who will continue to undermine any effort he makes to stay sober. First contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) at (888) 4-AL-ANON (888-425-2666). Then ask your pediatrician to refer you to a counselor who will talk to you by phone or e-mail if you cannot find a neighbor or friend to watch the children.