Annie’s Mailbox: Woman’s claim could ruin lives

Dear Annie: My old roommate from college is beginning to cause a huge problem. “Sandy” was promiscuous in school, and there were many nights I crashed on a neighbor’s couch due to being “sexiled.”

Five of us still get together once a week for a girls’ night out. Sandy always ruins the evening and becomes hysterical, claiming she was raped in college. We are all dumbfounded when she does it. The rape she’s referring to allegedly happened at a party where she was never out of my sight. I saw her get into a verbal argument with some guy on the porch, after which she stormed back inside, insisted she’d been raped and demanded to be taken to the hospital.

On the ride there, her story changed three times, and at the hospital, she refused a rape kit. She then said she wasn’t raped. The rest of our college life, her story kept changing – she was raped, she was almost raped, she was beaten but got away.

Last year, Sandy decided the alleged rapist is a close friend of mine. She is unaware that “Dave” is gay and was out of the country when she claims he attacked her. He is now a teacher at a local school, and he and his husband are in the process of adopting a baby. Sandy has confronted Dave in public several times, and he’s bewildered by her behavior. She constantly tells me she’s going to inform his boss that he raped her.

I suspect Sandy fabricated the rape story to cover up a deeper wound. But if she keeps it up, she could ruin Dave’s life. He doesn’t know what he’s been accused of. Should I tell him? – Worried Friend

Dear Worried: Yes. He needs to protect himself. But it is obvious that Sandy has some serious mental health issues that should be addressed for everyone’s sake. An accusation of rape, if true, must go through the courts. If false, Sandy owes it to herself to work out the reasons behind it. Tell her you know she is hurting, and suggest she talk to a therapist before she destroys a great many lives, including her own. Offer to go with her, if necessary.