He’s become just plain crude

Dear Annie: I am in my mid-50s and have a very low libido. I’m not a candidate for hormone replacement therapy due to a family history of breast cancer.

I thought men’s libidos waned as they aged, but not so with my 63-year-old husband. His libido has increased, and he thinks there’s nothing better than a romp in the sack now that he’s retired and the kids are out of the house – to heck with daily responsibilities and the fact that I still have a full-time, high-stress job.

My husband is always grabbing and pawing me, which, at times, is actually painful. I’ve repeatedly asked him not to do this, because it seems very disrespectful, but he usually makes some caustic remark like, “I have a marriage license that gives me the right,” or “Baby, be thankful you still turn me on!”

I dread socializing, because he always brings up sex or makes crude jokes and embarrasses me. Recently, at a family gathering, with a leer on his face, he blurted out that I didn’t like sex anymore. I was so humiliated, I wanted to sink through the floor. Thankfully, a relative put him in his place, saying this was a private subject best kept between the two of us.

I wholeheartedly believe in a loving relationship between a husband and wife, but everything is “sex” to my husband, with no tenderness or caring. I’m totally turned off by his attitude and have told him so, but he ignores my feelings. I finally lost my temper and told him to keep his hands off me for good. So far he has, but not without nasty, snotty remarks slung my way.

Should I stand my ground and have some sexual peace, or just give in to keep him happy? – Frustrated in the Mountains

Dear Frustrated: It sounds as if your husband is trying to prove something. We don’t blame you for being upset, but we don’t think withholding sex is the best approach. It might be a good idea to get some joint counseling and let him figure out why he’s so insecure that he needs to treat you this way.

Dear Annie: My mom is moving into an assisted-living home, and she and I are cleaning out her house. Mom has quite a few photo albums. She would like to return the old pictures of her nieces and nephews to them or their parents.

Is this appropriate, or would it hurt their feelings? We are going to toss out the rest of the pictures since we can’t identify them and no one is interested in people or places they don’t recognize. Thanks for your help. – Archeological Digger

Dear Digger: It is perfectly proper to offer the pictures to your nieces and nephews, explaining that Mom cherished these photographs, but is now unable to keep them.